Heather Morgan was arrested on Monday, and goes by the online persona âRazzlekhan.â | Image: Forbes
Yesterday, the Department of Justice announced it had finally recovered almost all the Bitcoin stolen in the 2016 Bitfinex hack with its âlargest financial seizure ever.â The DOJ was, however, immediately upstaged â when people discovered that one of the people accused of helping launder billions of dollars of Bitcoin had posted rap videos to the internet.
She calls herself the âCrocodile of Wall Street.â
Iâve lost track of how many hours I just spent immersing myself in her music, writing, and Content to get an idea of what her deal is. And letâs just say that even her wacky viral videos (which have now largely vanished from her YouTube channel) did not prepare me for the full razzle-dazzle.
Anyhow, hereâs just a taste of what I found to get us started:
idk much about crypto security but this person shouldnât have been able to steal 4.5 billion dollars of it pic.twitter.com/i86nu7naKK
â jack wagner (@jackdwagner) February 8, 2022
That was the longest 30 seconds of my life.
And some of her songs are five minutes plus.
Who is Razzlekhan?
The DOJ lists âRazzlekhanâ as the alias of Heather Morgan. On Tuesday, it announced that it had arrested Morgan and her husband, Ilya âDutchâ Lichtenstein, and alleged they had access to a wallet with billions of dollars worth of Bitcoin.
Obviously, âaccused money launderâ isnât how she branded herself â her website calls her a âfearlessâ and âshamelessâ artist, entrepreneur, and CEO.
Is she really an artist and entrepreneur?
Iâm sorry, is the alleged money laundering not interesting enough for you?
We love hearing about girlbosses that hustle hard.
Valid.
Yeah, it seems like she kept fairly busy â she and her husband were involved with an investment firm called Demandpath that focused on âfounders and decentralized projects,â according to their LinkedIn profiles. They also ran a marketing company called SalesFolk, which specialized in helping businesses create marketing email templates, according to its site. (The motto for SalesFolk, by the way, is âbe a goat, not a sheepâ â if youâve heard the Razzlekhan rap âVersace Bedouin,â you may recognize it.)
She also contributed articles for publications like Forbes and Inc., with articles discussing a wide range of topics â from a profile of one of the chefs at the 2021 Met Gala to articles about using economics to avoid âterrible business and life decisions.â Theyâre not really the type of articles Iâd usually read, but they donât stand out as being particularly zany or poorly written.
Some of her articles do hit a bit different now that sheâs been accused of being involved with a crypto scheme, though. Sheâs listed as the author of an article called âExperts Share Tips To Protect Your Business From Cybercriminals.â Oh, and thereâs this talk that she reportedly gave about marketing â I dare you to guess what the title is.
I found some pictures⌠pic.twitter.com/WfA8rAS9Ti
â Ruthie Nachmany (@ruthienachmany) February 8, 2022
Those slides sure are something.
Arenât they? âInfiltrating black markets around the world.â âSome places Iâve infiltrated.â Absolutely amazing.
You know where else sheâs infiltrated? Your brain, with this song.
She really earns that âweird AF music videoâ text in the thumbnail, doesnât she?
Oh, absolutely. That one is definitely among the most well-produced of the bunch, though â at least when it comes to the video. The lyrics are…
Well, look, I called them cringe in a headline, and I stand by that. Saying that âSilver on my fingers and boots on my feetâ sounds like a first draft would be generous, and thatâs in the hook. One of my colleagues described her flow as âwhat you hear when someone on the subway is rapping along to music in their headphones.â
If you look at the next example (the song is called âPho King Badd Bhech,â and I promise weâll analyze it in a bit), you can get a sense of the DIY feel most of her other music videos had. In the description for one of her now-private videos, she did say it was filmed by her husband and a few friends.
This is who stole 120k from the bitfinex hack https://t.co/CixE4XLbzj pic.twitter.com/Qm4dBeDq0I
â RSN (@puttinyadown) February 8, 2022
As a note â despite what the tweet says, the Justice Department hasnât accused Dutch and Heather of being involved with the hack itself.
I gotta say, these clips you keep making me watch have a very different vibe than the articles she wrote.
Yeah, her two online personas are quite different. Itâs not like she was trying to hide the Razzlekhan stuff from the audience that followed Heather Morgan, though â she tweeted about her music from her personal account, and sheâs got an article with Forbes talking about how she dealt with burnout by creating the Razzlekhan persona and rapping.
Canât wait for my #virtualhouseparty! Itâs going to be so lit! Art unveiling, live performances, unique games and challenges, and one of a kind prizes!
No party like a Razzlekhan party! ââď¸#stayhomesavelives pic.twitter.com/MOCjTXVlra
â Heather R Morgan (rzk.eth) (@HeatherReyhan) November 29, 2020
Wait, lmao, was she using her articles to plug her rap career?
Good question! The answer is surprisingly no, for the most part. An article she wrote called âHow To Become A Successful Youtuber In 2021â was devoid of Razzlekhan references, and her Inc. article about mistakes founders make mentions her burnout and rapping, but it doesnât end with âlike and subscribeâ or even a link to her channel or Insta.
But while her articles arenât particularly attention-grabbing, itâs true that her artistic ventures are a bit… out there. Sheâs got a bunch of social media accounts under her Razzlekhan name, where she posts vlogs and talks about fashion design, art, and, of course, her music.
Latest #customfashion project (aka BERAZZLING) ââď¸ #styleinspo #oddlysatisfying #streetwear #dayinthelife #glowinthedark #tulippaint
⏠Monkeys Spinning Monkeys – Kevin MacLeod & Kevin The Monkey
By the way, the few songs that have been getting most of the attention are just the tip of the iceberg.
Thereâs more?
Thereâs MUCH more. Sheâs got like a dozen songs, even a concept album about smoking weed in a cemetery and things getting âNC-17â with… some sort of spirit that she calls grandpa but implies isnât actually her grandfather? Okay, yes, I know how that sounds, but quite honestly, after listening to all of her songs, I think âHigh in the Cemeteryâ might be one of the better ones. But I didnât love the twist at the end of the album where a perverted genie is revealed to actually be Mark Zuckerberg (I swear to you Iâm not making that up).
You listened to all of her music? Are you okay??
Do I sound okay?!
Can… I listen to all her music too?
Yes. Despite her music videos being set to private (they were a sight to behold), most of her songs are still up on places like SoundCloud, Apple Music, and YouTube Music.
Do any of her raps reference crypto?
Well, it turns out that she and I have a shared pastime â no, not rapping; making fun of tech bros. One of her songs makes fun of them for collecting cryptokitties. But other than that, no, I didnât find a ton of references to Bitcoin or cryptocurrency. However, there is one lyric in âCutthroat Countryâ where she references phishing peopleâs passwords… and then says, âAll your funds transferred.â
So like… can I stan?
Um… how do you feel about problematic faves? I mean, obviously, thereâs the whole alleged Bitcoin thing, but her songs also have some pretty âyikesâ moments â in a rap about social distancing, she does an impression of an anti-masker thatâs insensitive to sex workers at best, and her songs include some uncomfortable lyrics about gay men. Plus, thereâs just an incredible gordian knot of cultural appropriation around her persona that I really donât feel like Iâm equipped to untangle.
Iâm sorry, are you trying to cancel Razzlekhan?
I mean, isnât the DOJ kinda…? Nevermind.
But no, sorry, I didnât mean for it to come out that way. Sheâs clearly got something to say in a lot of her raps â she devotes entire songs to how crappy the American healthcare system is, how fake friends suck (like a vacuum cleaner), and even calls out how traditional love stories portrayed in media kinda encourage men to act creepy towards their female colleagues (she extrapolated on her role as a woman in tech in a now-private vlog).
Wait, that actually sounds good? Should I be listening to her music?
Okay, just because someone is making a good point doesnât mean theyâre making it well.
Her song about healthcare really captures the duality in her songwriting, where sheâs actually talking about serious topics, just with stilted writing and flow â and sometimes maybe less sensitivity than a topic probably warrants.
Lyrics via Genius
Lyrics from the song âCalifornia Rollz,â which takes a shot at people who act cringe at Asian restaurants.
So are all her songs About Something�
If youâre asking if all her music is about serious topics, then no. While she does make music about racism, sexism, and class, âMenace to Societyâ seems to follow the formula of a relatively standard brag rap, and she has a song called âBleeding Bucketsâ that I refuse to elaborate further on. (You canât judge Razzlekahnâs songs by their titles, though â âPho King Badd Bhechâ is the song I mentioned earlier thatâs about creepy male coworkers, and the video ended with a dedication to a woman that Morganâs called âVietnamâs tech queen.â)
So whatâs the song âGilfaliciousâ about?
You know what itâs about. Why are you doing this to me?
Sorry, Iâve just been listening to some of the songs in the background. The beats arenât half bad?
Yeah, she apparently worked with a professional producer for some of her songs. The Daily Beast actually spoke to him after the allegations came out, and he seemed very surprised, saying that she didnât seem wealthier than a normal tech CEO.
Does she ever mention her husband and alleged partner-in-crime in a song?
She has a whole song about him called âMoon n Stars.â I think she calls him a âweirder version of Larry Davidâ and samples him saying, âI love you, I support you, but I donât wanna be involved.â Listening to the rest of the song… I understand.
What kind of music does she think sheâs making?
Well, she does admit that she probably wonât win a Grammy for it. But she says sheâs a life-long rap fan and that she âknew every single line to hundreds of rap albumsâ as a teenager.
She also mentions how she was inspired by Die Antwoordâs Yolandi Visser (you may be familiar with her if youâve seen the movie Chappie) and Awkwafina (who also hasnât had a great week), noting that theyâre female artists who âown their weirdness.â
I just realized that youâve barely mentioned Morganâs husband at all?
I feel like the DOJ focuses more on him in its legal complaint, so I wanted to even things out a bit! Plus, his posts online are just nowhere near as interesting as Razzlekhan content.
My partner & cat share food (not how you expect)! #pettok #weirdcore #weirdtok #husbandandwife #catfoodie
With that said, the glimpses we see of him do give us some idea that his sense of humor is a little off the beaten path as well. In one of Morganâs videos, he talks about how he tasted their catâs food to make sure it was good. Being a certified Cat Dad myself, Iâve got no room to judge that part â though, when Morgan continues to film him, he does go on a tangent asking if she wants him to âshove something up [his] ass and do a little danceâ to be entertaining. So that caught me off guard.
Is that TikTok where she says sheâs âdefinitelyâ stole billions of dollars in Bitcoin real? Thereâs no way itâs real.
This one? Yeah, youâre right, itâs fake. Itâs an edit of a real TikTok she made, where she answers a question about whether sheâs been stuck on an elevator. But given everything else weâve seen, I couldnât blame someone for falling for it.
Sorry, I stopped listening when you said she had a TikTok. Iâm very interested to know what her content was like on a platform known for being a little bit madcap.
Honestly, the âWTFâ factor isnât as high as I imagined itâd be. I mean, itâs still a Razzlekhan project â thereâs freestyle rapping (one of which is about investing in GameStop, Ethereum, and Bitcoin), a few twerking videos, a guide on how to put gummy lifesavers on your toes, and lots of promotion for her music and art.
A lil #freestylerap for #moneytok about #HODL & #gamestop by a former #economist ââď¸ #visionboard #albumcover #gamestockstock #robinhood
There are also a few videos where her husband appears to review cookies and take silly holiday pictures and where she shows off what she says is her taxidermy collection.
Taxidermy?
Yeah… Sheâs got a little preserved crocodile head that shows up in a few of her TikToks. I guess it probably has something to do with her âCrocodile of Wall Streetâ persona?
Oh, plus there are some cute cat videos. The catâs alive, by the way â just wanted to make that clear.
I want the feds to free her so she can make a rap song about this situation.
Unfortunately, despite Bloombergâs report that both Morgan and Lichtenstein have been granted bail, it seems the order for their release has been stayed, according to a Forbes profile of the couple. Besides, it would not be smart to post anything while awaiting trial…
But it would be absolutely iconic.
Have you looked through everything sheâs made?
Oh, no, absolutely not. Iâve listened to all her songs and looked at a ton of her videos and articles, but Morgan was actually pretty prolific, and Iâve got limits. Plus, even if I wanted to do a deep-dive on her 20-minute-long fashion videos âwhich, yes, she definitely had â they were privated before I had the chance.
Does her body of work… seem like the type of thing someone who was allegedly sitting on a dragonâs horde of Bitcoin would make?
Morganâs not endlessly flexing Lambos, stacks of cash, and a palatial house, if thatâs what youâre asking. She does post a lot about international travel and having a studio and apartment in New York City, though, which feels like pretty standard influencer fare (though the way she does it on her Razzlekhan Instagram account is anything but standard â her personal account â which has since been set to private â was reasonably unremarkable).
It is worth noting, though, that Morgan and Lichtenstein were allegedly only able to launder a small portion of the 119,754 Bitcoin that the hacker dumped into a wallet theyâre accused of controlling. Bloomberg has a really great breakdown of why that is â the TL;DR is that it is actually really hard to launder something when every coinâs movement is tracked on a public blockchain, especially when financial institutions have to be on the lookout for that kind of thing so they donât get shut down by the government.
So youâre saying itâs possible they didnât do it?
Iâm purposefully not saying anything about that, one way or the other. I feel like thatâd be extremely irresponsible given that nothingâs been proven in court yet, and I also genuinely donât have an opinion either way. But wow, imagine if theyâre found not guilty, and this launches Razzlekhanâs influencer career… what an origin story thatâd be.
However the court case goes, weâre definitely getting a movie about this whole thing, right?
If thereâs any good left in this world, yes. I can only hope that itâs directed by the Safdie brothers, who directed Uncut Gems and Good Time, because theyâre just so good at capturing the manic energy this story has.
What does this case say about crypto? About Bitcoin?
Iâm sorry, Iâve melted my brain immersing myself in the content of it all, and you want me to come up with some intelligent, broad-sweeping take? Really?
Geez, okay, no need to be mean.
Youâre right, that was uncalled for, and I apologize. I guess the first thing Iâd say is that the DOJ has gotten very serious about tracking down people laundering Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies â and it might have gotten good at it. For anyone who still thinks that crypto is inherently anonymous and untraceable, this should be a pretty big wake-up call.
It also shows how cryptocurrencyâs massively fluctuating value can drastically change a situation â when the hack happened in 2016, the stolen Bitcoin was worth $71 million. Today, itâs worth upwards of five billion. If you rob a bank, that cash isnât going to become 70-something times more valuable in the span of five years.
Wha…? Oh, sorry, I kinda fell asleep there.
Yeah, itâs hard to make technology, economics, and law as interesting as the people that interact with those systems in the best of times. And when those people post things like this? Thereâs just no way any other part of the story can compare.
Okay, one last question.
Yes?
You added every Razzlekhan song to your library, didnât you?
Errr… no, I donât think I want to listen to any of them again. Weâll see what the recommendation algorithm has to say about that, though.